I must be too annoying 4 u.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
