the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So vagazzling was a success
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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