did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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