You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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