Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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