i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
