oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
