Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
