Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
