dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
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