They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So I just went to clothing optional bar
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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