I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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