I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
