According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
