I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I think I just sharted jello shots
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