Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
she pinky promised me she was 18
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
