i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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