DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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