Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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