I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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