my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
it's like heaven, but drunker
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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