The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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