we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
