There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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