God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
