You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
