mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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