I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
