is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
