i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
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Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
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She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night