I could have mohawked her pubes.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.