i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered