i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
