I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.