I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i want to swaddle you in tequila
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.