The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
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I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
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Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.