I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.