The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
