dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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