2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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