I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
