i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
