his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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