Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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