you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
