You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
