I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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