you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
