Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
