how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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