you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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