Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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