dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
