my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
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So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
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I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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