Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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