I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
