I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Randomize
