Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
