You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I got inside last night via doggy door
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
