garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
