fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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