everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
