im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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