I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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