sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
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i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
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We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
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