I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
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