I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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