Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
