I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
