she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Randomize
