i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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