I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
