that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
