that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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