Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
