I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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