i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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