I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
