Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
