My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
