mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
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it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
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went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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