Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
