high people should be assigned attendants
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
