I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
