his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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