ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
