i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
