I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
