So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
worst night to have a conscience
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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