is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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