I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
